My family is incredibly important to me. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for any
member of my family, especially my kids. I’m a mom to two young adult children — an empty nester, as they say.

Being an empty nester can be an emotional rollercoaster. Early on, I found myself still wanting to support my kids both emotionally and financially. That’s our calling, right? But now, a few years removed from my youngest child going off on his own after grad school, I’m proud to say I’ve struck the right balance between supporting my kids in any way they need and sitting back to let them figure it out.

Essentially, I’m giving my kids the necessary space to hone those important life skills of independence, communication, critical-thinking, and resilience. For me, witnessing my children morph into productive and respected members of society means I was a successful parent.

We all know parenting presents so many challenges and joys along the way. I have always appreciated that journey — watching them develop into the individuals they have become. I always thought becoming an empty nester would mean I would have a lesser role in their lives, but that’s not really the case. It’s just a different role.

Sure, the times that we spend together now are vastly different than when they were younger learning to tie shoes, ride bikes, or even finding and adjusting to their respective colleges. Back then, I was present as a provider for their everyday needs. But now I’m more like the confidante, or the loving coach or guide providing sage advice when asked (at least in my mind it’s “sage”). Of course, I’m still their biggest cheerleader for all those milestone moments – that will never change. But they are making life happen on their terms.

Here’s a good example: My son earned his master’s degree a few years ago and was well-established with a great job. Recently, however, he opted to change careers, which meant finding a new job and moving to a new, bigger city.

I was so proud watching him navigate the process of finding his new job and new apartment. Not only was I excited to learn he had given himself a budget, but also that he had created a spreadsheet to capture and track important amenities and expenses. I was blessed to be included in a small part of his new journey, as he invited me on several apartment visits that he had researched. I was truly just “along for the ride” watching him ask all the important questions and make the final decision...and loving every minute of it.

If there’s a test out there to evaluate how successful I was with my parenting skills, I have not found it. But even if such a review existed, I am certain that my judgment would be clouded a bit. For me, seeing my children make their own decisions while learning about adulting seems to be the best assessment.

And if you’re wondering what kind of “sage” advice a financial advisor like me would offer my son, as he navigated his new living situation, here are the main points:

1. Clarify Priorities

Clarify the importance of factors like proximity to work, access to public transportation, parking, and apartment amenities (like an on-site gym or rooftop gathering space).

2. Be Budget-Aware

Although what was important to his lifestyle was a bit different than my priority list, he had a strong perspective on budgeting, thought through any compromises based on his situation (not mine), and focused on staying within his financial limits. I always encourage young people to allow some financial wiggle room to save for their long-term aspirations.

3. Be Patient and Flexible

It had been a while since I went apartment hunting. I was quickly reminded how frustrating the experience can be, especially competing with many other would-be renters in a limited housing market constrained by high inflation. It’s a great opportunity to learn patience, flexibility, and compromise. You’ll know when they’ve found their “perfect” place by the look on their face.

4. Hone Your Negotiation Skills

As I mentioned, I was only along for the ride. I watched my son (or heard second-hand) as he advocated for himself in his discussions with various property managers. It was good practice for him to listen carefully, clearly communicate his needs and wants, consider the final offer, and land on a well-thought-out decision.

Although both of my children make me proud for countless reasons, I can’t help but smile about this experience. Watching your kids forge their own path toward financial independence is very rewarding, believe me.

So when the time comes when your kids are ready to launch from the family nest, just remember it’s a sign of a job well done, mom!